


Contact

by EveryDayBella, StarryEyedShields



Series: Stucky Flashathon 2k15 [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky and Steve do not like the cold, M/M, Panic Attacks, Physical Contact, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveryDayBella/pseuds/EveryDayBella, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyedShields/pseuds/StarryEyedShields
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve loves Bucky beyond all belief, all ways has, always will.Steve will do anything he has to help Bucky. Anything. Comfort him during his nightmares, make sure he eats something, help him walk outside when all he wants do is hole himself up in a dark closet. Whatever Bucky needs Steve will do it, over and over. That doesn’t make it any easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contact

**Author's Note:**

> so Angelycdevil sent me this http://hellacrappy.tumblr.com/post/104939697604/had-a-rough-morning and told me she wanted angst. This what she got. Un-beta'd.

It had been a good night. Steve had managed to convince Bucky to eat out at that italian place he liked. It had been the first time he’d left the apartment in a week and he’d done great. Bucky had been damn near chatty, flirting with the waitress and with Steve in equal measure. Steve had wanted so bad to drag Bucky across the table and kiss him senseless. He wasn’t ready for that, but they were working on it. It even felt a little like a date. On the walk home Bucky had held Steve’s hand and blushed like they were teenagers about to be caught doing something they shouldn’t. It was delightfully domestic and made Steve think they might have been over the hump.

So of course, it’s a bad morning. Steve wakes up, early like always, to meet Sam for a run. He goes through his routine, eats a little breakfast, watches the news. The last thing he does is check on Bucky before he leaves. Cracking open the door just to make sure he’s still asleep, or if he's awake to let him know that Steve ss leaving but he would be back. Bucky had woken once while Steve was gone and it had nearly destroyed the progress they’d made.

This morning Bucky is curled into a ball, face hidden by his knees and the curl of the blue blanket. Steve would have left him, but Bucky clearly isn’t asleep. His broad shoulders are shaking and there is a soft keening sound coming from the bundle of blankets. Steve stands for a moment in the doorway, heart aching and trying to prepare himself for this latest crisis.

Steve loves Bucky beyond all belief, all ways has, always will.Steve will do anything he has to help Bucky. Anything. Comfort him during his nightmares, make sure he eats something, help him walk outside when all he wants do is hole himself up in a dark closet. Whatever Bucky needs Steve will do it, over and over. That doesn’t make it any easier.

“Bucky.” Steve calls softly, trying not to scare the wounded bundle on the bed. “Buck, everything alright?”

There’s a whimper in between all the keening and the pile of blankets jerks. Steve’s heart aches as he loudly walks into the room. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends a quick text to Sam to let him know that he won’t be there this morning and then turns the thing off and kneels next to the bed.

“Bucky, I’m going to be right here, okay? If you need me.” Steve rests his chin on his folded arms on the bed. He knows he has to wait Bucky out, but it never gets any easier. The waiting, the needing, the aching in his gut because he has to watch his best friend suffer alone.

It was never supposed to have been like this. If Steve had known there was even a chance that Bucky had survived he would have left the Commandos, would have done anything to find him, to keep from having to suffer through this.

The thing was Bucky had always been tactical. His sisters would climb all over him, his friends would get a friendly pat on the back, he was never shy about hugging his mother. It was always different with Steve though, no more or less than anyone else, just different. It was an arm around his shoulders to hold Steve’s tiny body against his own bigger one. It was a hand on his shoulder to remind him he wasn’t alone in the world. In those rare times when Bucky couldn’t hide how worried or scared he was, when he was able to feel vulnerable, he’d curl up next to Steve, usually with his head in the smaller mans lap.

That had changed a little after Steve had pulled him from the Hydra base. Bucky had wanted physical contact, but hadn’t been able to accept it most of the time. These days they would call it PTSD. Back then he and Peggy had often had to cover how shell shocked Bucky Barnes really was.

Now, after seventy years of torture and trauma, Bucky is starved for positive contact and he needs it the most at times like this, when those fragile walls he’s built for himself came tumbling down. He needs to be held and reassured that everything is going to be okay, but being touched would make it worse. Its a singular hell Bucky and Steve have to live with.

“Buck, it’s okay, you know?” Steve talks because he can’t handle Bucky crying and there isn’t anything he can do about it. “I mean, what happened to you isn’t okay, and whatever triggered this isn’t okay, but you’re okay. You’re not with Hydra anymore and I’ll kill them all before I let them touch you again.”

The sobs soften to hiccups for a moment and Steve’s heart gives a lurch. Talking, he needs to keep talking.

“Hey, you remember that time a couple weeks ago, when we went the park? Sam thought that you needed some air. You grumbled the whole way there about how it was too open and there were too many places where people could hide. Soon as we got there though you were more than content to sit on a park bench and soak up all that sunlight. You were so pretty, glowing. Wished I had a sketchbook with me.”

There’s a rumble from the pile and some shifting until Steve can see the top Bucky’s bedridden brunette hair. “It was warm. It was just warm.”

“Is that was what happened?” Steve asked, realization dawning. “It got cold.”

Bucky rolls over and fixes Steve with his grey-blue, troubled stare. “I thought, I thought I was being.”

Steve shushes him as Bucky begins to breath heavy again. This one at least Steve can understand. He doesn’t like the cold either. On freezing nights when they were kids Bucky would tuck him up against his chest to keep him warm and from getting sick. Steve wants to take that role desperately, but knows that Bucky won’t be able to handle that much contact in the state he is already in.

Unless…

“Bucky, do you trust me?”

It takes Bucky a moment before he nods. That’s a victory in itself.

“Roll over.”

Bucky rolls back over so that his back is to Steve who, without getting up from the floor, snakes one arm slowly around Bucky’s waist. The brunette doesn’t stiffen, but he doesn’t melt into it either. Of course, that’s to be expected. Steve waits to make sure Bucky’s comfortable before pressing his face against Bucky back, breathing in the smell of soap and something just Bucky. Listening to the steady heartbeat under his cheek Steve figures its a good place to start.

There will be more good days and more bad days. As long as Steve can keep finding ways of keeping contact they’ll be okay.

There’s always the next good day.

 


End file.
